Tom Massey

tomassey @ 2009-01-23T23:42:00

2009-01-23T12:57:59Z

Has anybody yet invented wrists straps for guitar picks? Same idea as leg straps for surfboards, but more musical. I've never yet actually broken a guitar pick, but they tend to escape so I have to keep buying more.

In other news, come see my directorial debut on the Genesian stage, Noises Off. It has a two storey revolving set, wonderfully talented actors, and is heart stoppingly funny.

tomassey @ 2008-01-02T02:11:00

2008-01-01T15:12:02Z

Seems to be already time to get rid of the Rudd consortium.

My response to senator.conroy@aph.gov.au (Also sent a copy to Kevin - bit disappointed actually, John used to send back an automated email saying you'd been added to his mailing list, Kev just says he got your email).

Dear Senator Conroy,

I am deeply concerned at your recent proposals regarding Internet
filtering.

Ignoring the issues of censorship, your proposal will not achieve what
you say it will.

This sort of filtering simply does not work.

For example:
http://www.newlaunches.com/archives/australian_teenager_cracks_84million_internet_porn_filter_in_30_minutes.php

Similarly, it will take very little time for anybody who wants to to
subvert the system you propose.

You have stated "Labor makes no apologies to those who argue that any
regulation of the internet is like going down the Chinese road". I'm not
going to argue that point, however are you aware that even the draconian
Chinese system doesn't really filter the Internet very successfully?
Chinese citizens are well able to use proxies, anonymous remailers and
the like to gain full access to the Internet. How do you expect to
succeed in filtering the Internet when even the Chinese government using
techniques you seek to distance yourself from fails?

Please be aware that whatever filtering system you put in place will be
circumvented - it's inherent in the design of the Internet, it's
designed to route around blockages.

What you propose is simple not technically feasible, and anybody telling
you that it is is mistaken. You will spend a lot of money on a solution
that does not work.

If your goal is to protect children from Internet pornography, then the
simple reality is that you need to educate parents: For starters, don't
let your children have an Internet connected computer in their bedroom -
stick it in the living room where they know people will be walking past
and will see what they're looking at. Most importantly, talk to your
children about these issues.

Sincerely,
Tom Massey

tomassey @ 2007-12-24T01:24:00

2007-12-23T14:24:07Z

Pop quiz. Who springs in to your mind first as a 'moral monster of the 20th Century'?

Please read this . Note that Mr Pell neglects to include Mr Hitler in his list of 'moral monsters of the 20th Century'. I suspect this is because it's very easy to dig up a lot of documented info that Hitler identified himself as a Catholic.

tomassey @ 2007-11-29T00:55:00

2007-11-28T13:55:45Z

I have recently started to use my several years old gmail account frequently as it makes it easy to do email on my mobile phone. Just noticed I have 100 gmail invites available. I expect that some are very valuable, I probably have a few 2004 vintage invites. Would anybody like one?

tomassey @ 2007-09-01T22:34:00

2007-09-01T12:29:11Z

Wonderful Shadow Puppets

tomassey @ 2007-07-17T18:01:00

2007-07-17T07:44:19Z

New Harry Potter arrived at work today, work being a library supply company for those who don't know. Tremendous excitement. The security measures are stronger than last time I think. Books must be left in boxes sealed with red embargo tape in a locked room without any windows. Don't remember windows being a problem with the last book.

tomassey @ 2007-04-08T00:40:00

2007-04-07T14:05:38Z

20 years of Rage this weekend.

tomassey @ 2007-03-13T15:15:00

2007-03-13T03:51:28Z

tomassey @ 2007-02-18T23:02:00

2007-02-18T11:39:02Z

Come see The Tempest. I am playing Caliban. There will be a revolving shipwreck, strobe lights, and 537 smoke machines. (Comments on website design also welcome - just done a redesign, still working on it).

tomassey @ 2007-02-10T01:55:00

2007-02-09T14:35:17Z

The planet doesn't need anybody to save it. It's a big hunk of rock, Big hunks of rock can look after themselves. Oh, you were talking about the apes.

tomassey @ 2007-02-04T01:25:00

2007-02-03T14:08:29Z

What is it in me that insists on pulling out a guitar and blasting 'Sweet Jane' at the people in the alley down below sitting around playing horrible dance music and not dancing?

tomassey @ 2006-11-20T02:31:00

2006-11-19T14:21:48Z

Given that people buy expensive T-Shirts essentially because of the cool logo/designer/aardvark involved (cheap T-Shirts being bought more on colour, durability):

I'm quite good at coming up with thoughts for T-Shirts, just not on carrying them out. Maybe I should sell people conceptually cool T-Shirts. This would be a plain white cotton T-Shirt packaged with a piece of paper explaining "Wouldn't it be cool if this was a Secret Valley T-Shirt that has added coolness because nobody except an Australian growing up in the 1980's will understand?", "Wouldn't it be cool if this T-Shirt had a funny slogan on it?", "Wouldn't it be cool if this T-Shirt was really made of giant pancakes?", "Wouldn't it be cool if I was the sort of person who actually printed such pieces of paper to be packaged with such T-Shirts instead of blogging about them?" etc.

tomassey @ 2006-11-18T01:54:00

2006-11-17T13:45:54Z

A dragon that must be printed out and stuck together and then will move its head to follow you around the room a la Mona Lisa but more so. Wonderful. Looking at the shape, tempted to make a moving head version of K9.

tomassey @ 2006-08-26T22:21:00

2006-08-26T12:08:58Z

Does anybody else ever get the feeling that, in general, people are really quite wonderful, in spite of?

tomassey @ 2006-08-16T02:10:00

2006-08-15T16:03:38Z

How long until breast implants are forbidden on planes? All these crack downs on carrying liquids on to planes are surely a bit pointless when you can have somebody stitch a bag of goo inside you, to be mixed with another bag of goo from somebody else in flight (or from yourself, for that matter - chemical A in one breast, Chemical B in the other, squeeze together). Bit of stabbing to release it is unlikely to deter somebody who wants to blow the plane up.

Will the chaps in charge ever realise that the problem is not that people are able to blow up planes, but rather that some people feel that blowing up planes is the only way they can get their point across? Probably not, but I will keep writing letters to Mr Howard. Vaguely encouraged that he's now given up writing back. I think there will always be ways of blowing up planes, thing is to stop making people want to blow up planes, and that is far more difficult than adding fairly useless security checks.

tomassey @ 2006-07-25T23:18:00

2006-07-25T13:17:47Z

Playing with POD publishing. Read the PDF if you like, don't buy it. (Doesn't give me any money if you do - it's set to only pay printing costs to LULU). It's just interesting that I can go from a text document to a printed book you can purchase over the net in about 10 mins now.

tomassey @ 2006-04-24T02:01:00

2006-04-23T13:29:44Z

ANZAC Day. I don't think many people really 'get' it anymore, what is it about? For what it's worth, I was in the Australian Army Cadet Corps for a number of years. I've yelled out commands at a few ANZAC Day parades, commanded a catafalgue party - do drill with rifles properly, it's ballet. After which I've got drunk with the poor bastards in country NSW who got shot at with little recognition.

tomassey @ 2006-04-22T02:10:00

2006-04-21T13:39:59Z

How many chord progressions are there that make good songs? And why don't people notice? C G Am F does 'No Women No Cry', 'Tears in Heaven', 'Let it Be', (probably others), and Missy Higgins 'Scar' - 30/40 years of music. Heh. Does that 'Lion King' song 'Can you feel the love tonight'. Thing is, these are all good songs. They don't really sound much the same. Take those chords and you can write a great song, if you can work out how to make it sound fresh. Seems to be a combination of tempo, and altering the last chord subtly. Or playing them all as 7ths. Don't do that. Ah, what it is - Play C G Am F, then C G x y, where x and y are as random as possible, then repeat, but play y x instead.

tomassey @ 2006-04-20T01:29:00

2006-04-19T13:00:23Z

What happens to people who are allergic to dogs when going through an airport etc with drug/bomb dogs? Is there some sort of special exemption? Can you run away from the dogs, waving a special license? Can you sue somebody if a dog sheds on your luggage and you come up in hives?

tomassey @ 2006-01-22T00:36:00

2006-01-21T13:46:18Z

I shall soon be moving into something quite close to the middle bit of Sydney. Signed the lease on a studio apartment in East Sydney today. This is the bit you get to if you stand in Hyde Park and walk towards the enormous Coke sign (for people who don't know the city, that Coke sign has been a famous landmark for decades and should probably be heritage listed). Unless you're standing in the London version of Hyde Park, in which case it might take a little longer. About 15 minutes walk to the QVB. About 20 minutes walk to the theatre I spend most of my time in. Bus to work from QVB. QVB == Queen Victoria Building, big old shopping mall thing. Hoorah!

Oh, all those I've promised a bed in Sydney should they choose to come here - offer stands, but bed may now mean bit of carpet. But - bit of carpet in the centre of the city!

tomassey @ 2005-12-18T23:57:00

2005-12-18T13:16:27Z

Sense & Sensibility has finished, and now I'm gearing up for Worry Warts. Always a feeling of loss when a show ends. Curious ambivalence this time. Sense was a good show, but I found it very draining, because my character was very nasty. It's often said that it's fun to play the bad guy. I don't know. It's not fun to make somebody cry. Especially not fun when you have no choice in the matter, that's what the script dictates and you have to do all you can to be nasty to them when they are upset and every instinct you have tells you to give them a hug. I think it's fun to play the bad guy when the bad guy is detached from the action to some extent - the super-meglo-maniac type, sending out minions to perform his evil deeds. It's fun to be evil without having to look into the eyes of the person you're being evil to.

Anybody who says 'Oh, it's only acting' at this point has never done it properly.

It was very good work, and I'm proud to have been part of it, but I'm strangely relieved I don't have to do it again.

tomassey @ 2005-12-12T23:08:00

2005-12-12T12:25:46Z

All the Christmas decorations have gone up early again.

People sing 'The Twelve Days of Christmas', well at least they sing the bit about the bar fridge stuck in a bear tree and so rendered useless for anything but Bundi, and only then if it's a polar bear tree and you're a bit odd and like chilled rum. It's certain they don't understand the song. You don't start Christmas before December 24 and you stop it on January 6. 12 days. Running Christmas over the entirety of December dilutes it dangerously. I like Christmas, I like the decorations, I like the tree, I like going to Midnight Mass on Christmas eve with family and friends and staying up all night giving each other presents and singing. But it's not meant to go on for a couple of months. Concentrated it's something special. Spread out it's like whiskey and water. Drink it straight you fool.

The problem is that people don't have the guts for it anymore. Look at your local department store Santa - he's using a pillow as he lacks the stomach to do it for real. So we decorate December pleasantly and forget what it's all about. And no, Christ isn't the reason for the pagan Winter solstice festival, though he seems to have understood it. I'm pretty much agnostic myself, but we need a yearly period of hugging and such. Otherwise DOOM.

As in all things, the Muppets show us the way:

It's in the singing of a street corner choir
It's going home and getting warm by the fire
It's true, wherever you find love it feels like Christmas
A cup of kindess that we share with another
A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother
In all the places you find love it feels like Christmas
It is the season of the heart
A special time of caring
The ways of love made clear
It is the season of the sprit
The message if we hear it
Is make it last all year

It's in the giving of a gift to another
A pair of mittens that were made by your mother
It's all the ways that we show love that feel like Christmas
A part of childhood we'll always remember
It is the summer of the soul in December
Yes, when you do your best for love it feels like Christmas
It is the season of the heart
A special time of caring
The ways of love made clear
It is the season of the sprit
The message if we hear it
Is make it last all year

It's in the singing of a street corner choir
It's going home and getting warm by the fire
It's true, wherever you find love it feels like Christmas
It's true, wherever you find love it feels like Christmas
It feels like Christmas

So go tell somebody you love them. Fall in love with the world. It's likely to be an unrequited love affair but that's OK. Unrequited love done properly may make you fly

Love, Tom

tomassey @ 2005-12-01T00:25:00

2005-11-30T13:38:40Z

That modern youth is embarrassingly conservative, especially when it comes to hair.

For many years my hair kissed my shoulders in a platonic embrace upon occasion. That is to say, hairdressers scare me to an astonishing degree: for a long time it took a year or so for me to develop the courage required to get a hair cut. Once I did, all I could do was have it all cut off, knowing that such a trick would astound. It always did - if you want to astound people, grow your hair long, and then have it cut short without telling anyone of your plans. But, be prepared for the ridicule of long hair in the meantime.

Why do teenagers now laugh at long hair on a male and favour the short back and sides of the 50's? It's terribly wrong when the older generation is more laid back about such things - wear your hair how you like, I don't care.

At the moment, I have huge mutton chop sidies for 'Sense and Sensibility'. I think I was called a 'woman' for such at the shopping centre today which was a bit confusing. I guess those school girls have been hanging out with the bearded lady a little too much.

Of course it bugs me to have people calling me names, but the real problem I think is that we've lost tolerance for people. When did
youth become short back & sides and career goals?

Dream foolish dreams that live and float on
hair
mattressed floors
books piled high against a backdrop of tequila
fish
cats
sky
trees that offer a place to

Love, Tom

tomassey @ 2005-11-29T22:54:00

2005-11-29T12:07:58Z

Can one of you English folks tell me what's the most common name for fly spray over there? Going to add a line in a play, I'm an English migrant to Australia, fly spray doesn't seem right. Insect spray? Bug spray? Not looking for brand names, just a generic term.

tomassey @ 2005-11-20T22:00:00

2005-11-20T11:11:14Z

I have discovered a revolutionary new weight loss plan. Being as the season of fattitude is approaching, I share it with you free of charge. It's a one step program.

1. Become involved in amateur theatre in a hardcore fashion.

That's really all there is to it. Done properly, you'll average about one meal a day for several months. You'll also spend a lot less time sleeping, and everybody knows that sleep is just nature's way of lowering the metabolism and growing new colonies of fat to conquer the world. Take that nature! Your secret's out. Now you can never win. Your diabolical warriors of DOOM are melting!

I have lost about ten kilos on this plan in the past two months without even knowing I was on it. I thought to check upon discovering my costumes were growing rather too baggy. You see, the amateur theatrics weight loss plan of GRARH even comes built in with a lossometer - costume sizes. How can you say no? Join your local theatre society today.